through the sludge
i crawl
through the black sludge
slow and heavy
and sinking with each grasping step
enveloped and drowning

exasperated

but still
gasping for you

you
How could this be?
How could you be my muse?

To enrage
And inspire

You spark me up
And calm me down
It doesn't make sense
but it seems to be true
So i will ignite
you

my broken muse

Mother my sweet

Mother my sweet
laughter, cries, exhilaration, screams, heartache, solace
sweetness,
heard it all with you
and from you
I remember the wails from deep within your soul
when your father died
and nothing i could do or say could sweeten
the cold hard day
I trembled at the imaginings of my own wail for you
and wishing that day will never come
I hated you sometimes
and your cruel words
But you are my soul
and my freedom
and my heart that breaks for you everyday
You filled the room with laughter once, all the time
and gave songs to the wind
you were an ever present joy filled butterfly
you landed on all the beautiful things
and filled us with singing
your colours of bright have darkened
your bringing and giving diminished in hardship
you push ahead through the dark grey heavy smog
I try to push some of it out of the way for you, exasperated
I'm dead and sad there
my aching for your once living you
And still you toil and persevere and make me proud
As your pieces break
I will struggle to keep them for you
and i thank the gods above for you
and beg them to stay away
so i can keep you longer

Grating End

I grit my teeth and grated on you

You bashed ‘my’ ear with your tone

and your melancholy rings in it

tap dancing in my brain like horrid

pesty little children

We peered between the cracks

 too scared to go between

A circle of filth unraveled 

A stench unwarranted

We became masters of deceit.

We watered the seed of discontent

unconsciously out pouring decay

We closed the gate to pure and meaning

Chaos ensued and we danced in its charm

justifying our reckless selves

We rolled around in the dirty mud of it

like pigs in dirt, full of glee

but ready for the slaughter

Take hold of another day

and cover it with slime

We created a circle of filth

a stench unwarranted

We shot bullets of despair

no armour to protect

We shot at each other like

one shoots at the enemy

to save themselves

Your pieces were falling

off and exploding on me

The flames you threw at me

burned and scolded my heaviness

A sunken me

and a sunken you

and it was the end

Arms out-stretched to an empty receiving

we said goodbye and good riddance

Calico Walls

Hard to wait

calico walls

white light

bright around shadow fallen faces

eyes empty waiting in silence

it’s a waiting for now

grey and burgundy carpeted intrusion to my system

the receptionists are friendly

smiling voices, buzzing business for them

a drone of  numb for the seated rest

empty eyes embrace the brightness

of the cold room

I try to forget the grim reaper

who seeps his teeth into my calm

and shocks my thumping heart

I sit with my imaginings 

vividness of dying organs wretched and ravaged

havoc wreaked in multitudes, rotten happenings

a killing monster growing, a pulling I have no hold on

a sickening perceiving

multiplication of dread creatures devouring the soft pinkness

thumping veins blister and squeal and shriek

and twist to a dance of gun fire blazing battlefield

pulsing things cower in corners,

no shelter from the devil of disease shooting arrows at them

and I wish to the clouded sky above that I could delve inside

and shield his carriage and rid the killing monsters

but I can’t do it

the rotten riddling devours his machine

the fire is within

It’s burning has began 

I sit 

I wait 

Calico walls 

Bench

Street cold

Life cold

Street wet

Life wet

Street hard

Life hard

Street cruel

Life cruel

Street tough

Life tough

Street bound

Life bound

I cower in corners

So as not to be seen

But even if I stood right in front of you

You do not see me still

Life bound

Street bound

The child

Down

down

down

deep down

inside the dirt

dirt surrounding

long

big black hole

eternity

and ending

down, down

down, down

deep down

6 ft down

a heavy feather

swaying in the blackness

swaying left to right

down, down

deep

we bury the child

we block the sun

and wither in the blackness

and sway

to the sound

endless black calm

bury the child

the child

gone

down, down

the dirt and shelter

dirt

black

deep

down

and the sun turns

cold

and the dirt

becomes eternity