through the sludge
i crawl
through the black sludge
slow and heavy
and sinking with each grasping step
enveloped and drowning

exasperated

but still
gasping for you

you
How could this be?
How could you be my muse?

To enrage
And inspire

You spark me up
And calm me down
It doesn't make sense
but it seems to be true
So i will ignite
you

my broken muse

Mother my sweet

Mother my sweet
laughter, cries, exhilaration, screams, heartache, solace
sweetness,
heard it all with you
and from you
I remember the wails from deep within your soul
when your father died
and nothing i could do or say could sweeten
the cold hard day
I trembled at the imaginings of my own wail for you
and wishing that day will never come
I hated you sometimes
and your cruel words
But you are my soul
and my freedom
and my heart that breaks for you everyday
You filled the room with laughter once, all the time
and gave songs to the wind
you were an ever present joy filled butterfly
you landed on all the beautiful things
and filled us with singing
your colours of bright have darkened
your bringing and giving diminished in hardship
you push ahead through the dark grey heavy smog
I try to push some of it out of the way for you, exasperated
I'm dead and sad there
my aching for your once living you
And still you toil and persevere and make me proud
As your pieces break
I will struggle to keep them for you
and i thank the gods above for you
and beg them to stay away
so i can keep you longer