Forbidden

Forbidden

Unforgiven

A marvellous fever

I taste its gorging quality

And relish the flavour

It melts into the pores

Tickles the senses

I sink my teeth into its resonance

Forbidden dwellings

A place I shouldn’t fit

but am snug in

Excitable manifestation

A pumping against the breast

Hard and fast

And the breathing lost

Palms slimy

Rapid fever

Forbidden dwelling

And relishing in it

I walk away,

ground sliding

Unaware

Deluded

I carry a heavy burden,

but free

Friend

I guess I knew it all along

I guess I felt in my heart and

in the laughter we have shared

I can see it reflecting in the moon

the same one that looks upon me

the same one that you see

its inside its glow

its in the dark night that surrounds it

and in the light of it

its in all things when night becomes day

and reminds me again and again

of you my cherished friend

Loved friend

True friend

Real friend

Beautiful friend

Hurting Friend

Don’t tell me how I should feel about it

Don’t give me your answers

Don’t give me your beliefs

I don’t feel about it what you think about it

How many more monsters must be created here

How many dragons and their fire breath do I battle

before I burn to cinder

Please don’t give the dragons any more fuel

Please help me smoulder the heavy heaving of them

Don’t tell me the fire I feel doesn’t exist

I don’t need your judgement
I need your armour

I need your sword 

Life Poem

Life

We twirl it

around the fingers

and write a sonnet

We twist it around the ankles

and drag it through the mud puddles

The ankles canker in unison

and receive the hot ground

We are all the dancers

in a vast ensemble

We crash and explode

Sparkles

when we stop to meet the other

Life

hard and great

Los Feliz

Excuse me

Do you mind if I smoke?

Yes I mind

Don’t smoke while I try to

eat my food fucker

But I guess he asked first

so….

Go ahead

Fill my bits of egg and bread

pesto drenched

now drenched in your

tobacco poison smoky hue

It dances around my tomato

melty cheese

absorbing my hair follicles

filling up my nostrils

singe the hairs

dancing around my coffee cup

in unison

Thank you very much

My meal complete

with fumes of busy road

sun drenched sidewalk

the breadths of him and her

Vermont and Melbourne

Maybe next time I will

try the escargot

with a splash of tobacco hue

The Woman

as I fold my clothes

and go about my business

I hear her deafening screams

She sobs furiously and in between

pauses to let out a piercing shrill

into the hot air

and as I go about my business

I am silenced in thought

and perceivings

I am frozen by her withering and her

eager belting pain

is she alone in a maddening darkness?

hands scratching at the wall

and the air

does she bury her face in

quivering hands and blame

is he there cowering in the corner unconsoling?

not knowing or knowing all too well

the pain he has given

she sobs and pauses in between to

scream at herself or at him

and as I go about my business

and the wind chimes twink and shime

and the refrigerator sings a melody I understand

my eardrums spasm to the sound and

contort in remembrance to the times

of my madness

when I was her

and the heart sinks

and spirit reminded

splash your face with cold water

and start another day sweet thing

take a pill and sleep for now

give your heart peace for the rest of the day

as I go about my business

I fold my clothes

and put the sadness away  

Gust

You blew in

Like a strong gust

you swirled circling leaves

and made me dance in the wind

and when the breeze

turned to rain

it poured 

and poured

and I'm left in the cold

I wait for you to bring the sun  

3 Poems

Look around

Look to the sky

Look to the ground

The beauty is in the mystery

And the mystery is in the beauty

Old

Dead

Cold

Hard

Brutal

Vicious

And how is the magic

When beautiful is still there

In tears and dirt

a dancing swan is found

In pain and battle

a piece of laughter caught by the wind

In blood and shame

two lovers interlock fingers

In hurt is love

you catch me

you caught me

you rough fiend

rough and gentle

hard and sweet

a ragdoll you make me

you break me empty

u fill me with divine

friend or foe 

Deep

 Deep water and shallow

Let me take a deep breath

I’ll take a mouthful and shout

At myself I curse

Ecstasy and envy

I play like a child with a box

of matches and gasoline

I wait for fire

I laugh at the wind

Deep water and shallow

I ignite reckless

Ending

We became masters of deceit.

We watered the seed of discontent

unconsciously out pouring decay

We closed the gate to pure and meaning

Chaos ensued and we danced in its charm

justifying our reckless selves

We rolled around in the dirty mud of it

like a pig in dirt, full of glee

but ready for the slaughter

Take hold of another day

and cover it with slime

We created a circle of filth

a stench unwarranted

We shot bullets of despair

no armour to protect

We shot at each other like

one shoots at the enemy

to save themselves

Your pieces were falling

off and exploding on me

The flames you threw at me

burned and scolded my heaviness

A sunken me

and a sunken you

and it was the end

Arms out-stretched to an empty receiving

we said goodbye and good riddance

I think I love you

“I think I love you”

spinning in the head

Muddled believings

My cynicism contorts into

“I think I love you” damn it

The sweet scent

Mouth grinned ear to ear

What is it? Is something wrong?

you throw in the air

I don’t dare say it

But whisper it under the breath

when you walk to the window to look at the sun

I think I love you damn it

Shove it away

to the side

Anywhere

Its breeding but I don’t need it

I don’t seek it

So your eyebrows twitch at me

Damn you I think I am gonna drown

My growing on you is stupid

and wasted

Hurting me with you

I want to hide in never again

But damn it I think

The monster has begun

L.A.

I walk along

Sunny town

Bright and believing

Scraggily men ask me for some achieving

today I pass it along

tomorrow I wont

and they ask God to bless me

and move along

Today I do a skippety skip

and tomorrow nose to the ground heaving

I buy a carton of milk and a chocolate bar

give my change to the little old lady with the trolley

as she thanks me a piercing silver ray of light

from a gleaming black Mercedes benz hits me

in the face and almost knocks me out

A penguin suit comes out of it

rushes in to buy a pack of cigarettes

and nearly knocks us both on the way out

We may as well have been trolleys

in the trolley line

I put my empty purse back in my sack

and head down the sunny path   

Forgotten

Seems he has forgotten me

Seems he has found a place

I dwell on isms

I dwell on used to be’s

I cradle and rockaby my cracked heart

I cant forget

I ache with a numb frozen

I ache with strange needing

I yearn

I wait

I cannot forget

Where has he gone?

Where is his new foundness?

Where is the sun?

The moonlight is my bright these days

Waiting for daybreak

I paste together broken bits of me slowly

Waiting

I cant forget

Walls

 I grit my teeth and grate on you

You bash my ear with your tone

and your melancholy rings in it

tap dancing in my brain like horrid

pesty little children

My foot fiddles with the spindles

of crap beneath them

I watch the short distance to nowhere

You kackle in wonderment

What is so sweet?

My sigh is nervous and blunt

like sharp objects in space with

nothingness in between

Hard places and rocks

I seek stones that won’t pierce or crack

I grit my teeth and grate on you  

Memory Poem

I let the broken memories of my
lucid dreams dance on my skin.
They keep me wondering about things
I see your face 
It is moulded into my brain electrons
that spurt an unwanted image
I smell the scent 
Your pores seep into my nostrils 
and I remember your prickling on my lips
I despise the vividness that
haunts me and I cringe
at the bitterness 
I long for a forgetting day, 
those are the exhilarating ones
Ugly things and beautiful things
coexist inside my tainted self,
it’s a horrible curse 
and I don’t seek its education 
As I watch children play 
I crave the existence 
they own in that moment 

Keeping friend

 Like when fingers interlock

and two spirits become intertwining

elongating to reach the tides

We float above the rippling water

and sail the calm

Together under the moon

we giggle and delight in

pleasures shared

And the caring warm keeps us

Like when you find

a beautiful seashell

glistening in the sun

and you have to have it

and keep it

You are the beautiful friend

I need to keep

You Poem

You

With you I am me

With you I am the I that I know best

like surfaces that are made for scratching

we have just started

So much is there

There is laughter and feeling

It’s a stop start train

like in the night that’s yours

Quiet and loud

and everything in between

The beat of your drum

is what my dancing feet are finding these days

and the music is the best we’ve heard

The holding back

and the giving

perfect unison somehow

There is a hot fever in me now

at the sound of it

and at the look of it

There’s your eyes touching me

It’s good to be me

I am the I that I know best with you today

I share with you my todays

What tomorrow throws our way

I don’t care to know

Let us indulge in the greedy need of it

And as I wonder will I give you these words

like the many others unspoken and not given

I share my spilling with you this time

Like a piece of paper

wordy possibilities

You can scrunch it

Tear it

Burn it

Throw it away

But on paper you can write beautiful music

paint amazing beauty

Hold it up for all to see

Stick it up proudly

Fold it away to put in a secret place

Keep it for yourself

Do what you will with my sharing

Suzy Markovski ©2010